My website is beginning to assume a form. Shape and structure are starting to emerge and I notice the sense of comfort that this gives me. Things are in their place; there is now a skeleton on which I can add muscle and tissue. And yet, I also sense loss in this emerging order, the loss of possibility.
As I have been struggling with the technical learning necessary to develop this site, I have also been struggling with an inner sense of disquiet. How do I make sense of all that is important to me and that I want to reflect in this website? This disquiet has taken the form of restlessness and distraction and even a sense of overwhelm with the chaos. And then, categories began to emerge and things began to fall into place and I notice that I feel more at ease now that I can see a map for this mind-space that is my website.
But the loss! I feel sadness for those things that are not reflected in the categories – for “heart” and for “relationships” and for “nature” or “Earth” and for “peace and justice” and for “spirit” and “consciousness” and “transformation”. These are all as much part of who I am and what intrigues me as “ontology” , “epistemology” or“healthcare”. But they are softer and seem less professional, less how I think I should present myself if I want to attract real work.
It would be easy enough to add these as new categories now that I have learned some of the basic skills of WordPress. But, where would the process end? How many categories would I end up with and what meaning would there be in so many categories? This is the epistemological challenge – how to represent the richness of the territory within the confines of a map? How to preserve the complexity and beauty of the oneness and still be able to describe it? My mind requires distinctions to express itself and with every distinction comes a choice and a loss and a diminishment of the whole.
Has my organizational schema created an artificial distinction between resources (those hard ideas that the mind loves) and inspiration (the domain of the heart and spirit)? Maybe I will discover a way to integrate these two domains through this website. If so, it really will be a reflection of who I am as this feels like a big part of my personal and professional life journey.
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