This past weekend I had an amazing experience at a Peacemaker Retreat with James O’Dea in Crestone Colorado. While I have known of James’ work for some time and have known that I would someday meet him and experience his work since meeting Judith Thompson last summer, I really did not know what to expect. I went with a strong sense of assurance that this is where I needed to be without knowing why and I arrived prepared to be surprised. And I was not disappointed.
A friend asked me what skills and approaches would be taught and I could not really say. What I discovered was not any new approach or skill but rather a deeper calling into a way of being. Perhaps it sounds trite or excessively soft, but what I learned (or more accurately relearned at a deeper level) is that peacemaking is about living in love, being willing to witness suffering and to create a space in which healing can emerge from the process of deep conversation. It is really just another manifestation of the Art of Hosting with a focus on woundedness.
Another profound learning (relearning) is that a healer’s power is in embracing his/her own deepest wounds. “Healer heal thyself” has always been part of my view of healing and I have probably always carried a critical assessment of my own inadequacies in this arena. After participating in a 5 hour council circle in which 40 of us explored the question of “perpetration”, I now know my own deep wounding in a new way and I also know that I am capable of courageously modeling vulnerability and exploration of my shadow. I also know that I am more ready than ever to step boldly into the work of social healing and peacemaking.
Yesterday, I looked deeply into the eyes of each of my fellow retreatants and allowed myself to experience an amazing depth of love and intimacy, of seeing and having been seen. At that moment, I realized my need for intimacy and deep soul connection. Over the course of my life, this need has led me to some hurtful, idealistic and self-gratifying actions that have hurt myself and others. But, somewhere within me there was a deep knowing that there is something sacred and healing in the process of sharing one’s soul. Yes, peacemaking, social healing, vulnerability, love – these are all various aspects of the same life-changing and world-changing experience and what I know myself to be called to.
I don’t know where and how my work as a peacemaker will evolve, but I do know that this is my work. As a part of the conclusion to the retreat, we were instructed to write our “Essential Job Description” – the work that each of us is called to at a deep level. What a gift to be challenged to this task after nearly a year of listening and discernment around the question of my life work.
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