From my journal September 6, 2012:
I need to constantly remind myself of the purpose of this journey, to return to the intention like gently returning to the breath in meditation. There is no destination, no goal. I am not on a schedule and there is nothing that I must do today. I am blessed and I am so grateful.
Yesterday my arrival in Paris was another reminder and another experience of non-mindfulness. Since I had to change trains twice during the night, I reset my alarm to awaken me in advance of the estimated time of arrival at each transfer point. But I didn’t bother to set one for my arrival in Paris since it would be the middle of the morning (and how could one miss Paris?). I was soundly sleeping on an empty train when someone shook me to let me know that I was in Paris. In hurrying to get off the train, I left my kindle in the seat . I realized this many minutes later in the depot and rushed back in a panic to find the train still at the platform and my kindle awaiting me on the seat. My biggest fear is that I would lose the dozen personal letters that I had saved on the kindle for reading on the camino. Had I lost those I would have been devastated.
Then I put my baggage into storage, promising myself that I will travel lighter in the future and reminding myself that this really is just a trial run, a prototyping of the nomad life. I don’t need to get it right!! Then, off to explore Paris. I had no map and only a very rough sense of the layout of the city. I had no idea where the train station was in relation to the rest of the city. So, I began walking in the direction of the river (or where I thought the river should be). Eventually I tired of walking and went underground to try the subway. In the subway station I asked for direction (my first attempt to communicate in Paris and an intimidating experience). However, since I did not really know where I wanted to go, I think that I only frustrated the poor woman selling tickets. “I just want to go see all the stuff that tourists visit.” But she did tell me where to go and which train to take. Unfortunately, she didn’t tell me which direction to go on the train so I rode the train back and forth between stations a few times s I began gathering more information and getting a sense of direction. Eventually, I changed trains and ended up on Champs-Elysees and resumed my walking exploration.
Throughout this process I was aware of my inner voice of judgment telling me that I was wasting my limited time in Paris. But I also came to realize that this adventure of finding my way in a totally new and intimidating and overwhelming environment – this is why I travel. Learning my way around is far more important to me than seeing all the tourist sights. Its about the journey, not the destination! If I remember this, I can settle into the chaos and confusion and really appreciate it.
This morning I am getting a late start into the city because I spent the morning enjoying coffee and conversation with Camelia, my host. She kindly offered coffee and the use of her washing machine. I am quickly learning that the offer to wash my clothes is a very welcome gift to the nomad. Earlier in the week, when Patricia (Silas and Karuna’s housemate in Happberg) offered, I initially refused until she insisted. Later Karuna told me that she had come to appreciate any offer of a washing machine while she was on the road. And now I am learning not to refuse the gift. Accept, be grateful, its ok to have needs.
While the laundry was washing, Camelia and I had talked in her limited English and my non-existent French.. We talked about my journey, and about living fully and about what feeds our souls. And I left her home this morning with a full heart and with a renewed sense of the purpose of my journey. I am so grateful for the time spent in real conversation rather than feeling pressured to see Paris. What an amazing journey!
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