In my current preoccupation with developing this website I have been contemplating the photo in the page header above (gotta use a bit of that techno-lingo that I have been struggling so hard to attain). There is something that I have really liked about this photo since I found it on the internet; something about it touches me deeply. Yet, I have been wondering whether it fits with the theme of itineris, the journey. The one piece of feedback I have receive confirmed my sense – “it seems so lonely”.
“The loneliness of the journey” has become a recent focus of my reflection. It reminds me of a book, The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner. That book was assigned reading in one of my undergrad courses. I never read it but the title has haunted me. Loneliness has been a part of my journey, more so at some times than others but it is hardly the aspect of journey that I want to emphasize in this venture. “The loneliness of the journey” is not exactly a great marketing jingle.
As I pondered whether to write anything about this, wondering if it would feel just a bit too vulnerable, I read in today’s reading from A Year With Rilke: “But in the midst of these very unfamiliar conditions your solitude will be a support and home to you. It will be the starting point of all your journeys.” Well, I guess that the universe is speaking to me and calling for some reflection. A couple of things show up for me as I think about my relationship with solitude and how it relates to my journey.
The first thing that I notice is the difference in texture between “loneliness” and “solitude”. In the language of my coaching training, these are both assessments – judgments that I place on the experience of aloneness. As assessments, these are choices that I have some control (or at least some influence) over. I can chose to experience my alone times as the curse of loneliness or as the gift of solitude. Some of my very best memories of childhood were of the freedom and joy of traveling alone on my bicycle, exploring as much of the world as my legs could handle. That, for me, is solitude at its best and it is the same experience that I often have on the journey. And then there is loneliness that comes uninvited and can suck the joy out of any journey. I would like to say that I have learned the skill to be able to transform loneliness into solitude at will but my emotional alchemical skills are not yet that well developed.
Another thing that I am struck by is Rilke’s observation that solitude “will be the starting point of all your journeys” – not the destination or the totality of the journey but the starting point. I know the truth of this from my own relationship history. Until I was able to be with myself, to be my own best friend, I was not prepared to be in relationship as a companion. Solitude has taught me the importance of distinction as well as linking (in the model of Daniel Siegel’s healthy integrated mind). Before I can truly connect with another person, I need to be grounded in who I am and this learning journey has been rooted in solitude. It was, in fact, a big part of my three day solo vision quest where I was my only human companion.
So, with these reflections, I am now much more comfortable with the photo. I know that the journey involves solitude and I also have come to trust and believe that I don’t have to be alone all the time on this journey. Relationships that are deeply grounded in the wisdom of solitude are available and they are precious. I wonder who this journeyer will discover around the next bend in the road and what they will discover together.
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