Reflections on Humanity #13

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Steve

It has been a very strange experience today watching the town of Presevo Serbia return to normalcy. Yesterday morning we were inundated with the press of people seeking refugee. Before they can find that refuge in Europe, they must cross through Seria, Croatia, Hungary and then into Austria.

The Serbian government, reportedly at the insistence of the Europol police, have been implementing a strict screen process upon entry into Serbia. First their luggage is scanned (like airport security) at the border. Then, in Presevo they are surveyed, interviewed, fingerprinted and photographed as part of the registration process. This is the process that caused the Main Street of Presevo to become a series of holding pens for thousands of people. Thirsty, hungry, tired, scared, confused – this must have been a hellacious experience for them. Some people spent multiple days in these pens euphemistically called queues. They were constantly under the watchful and controlling eyes of a large contingent of police including the elite special forces with their riot gear and automatic weapons.

Things were amazingly peaceful and cooperative really. Police generally showed restraint and even caring. Most of the people in the pens displayed patience and courtesy. There were a few incidents Thai witnessed where the crowd pushing caused the barriers to burst and the police to forcefully respond. But my sense was that no one wanted violence and all worked to maintain order.

Yesterday afternoon something shifted and everything became more a orderly flow. By evening the queue had shrunk and by 1 am, it had disappeared entirely. This morning all was quiet but the area looked like a hurricane had hit. There was garbage everywhere and metal barriers forming empty enclosures.

Then a miraculous transformation occurred as local town’s people, volunteers and aid workers worked together to clean up and return the town to normal. Many volunteers packed up and moved on to the next hot spot while others of us shifted into a next phase of this work. For Jenny and me this meant cleaning and equipping the volunteer house we have been staying in to be able to more comfortably house more volunteers in the future. It also involved unloading a huge UNHCR tent and placing it into storage so that the “next time” the enclosures can be sheltered from sun and rain and we also put 200 new cots into storage for future use.

Late this afternoon, I realized that the town was back to normal when I saw a few cows being being led up Main Street, a more typical scene for a rural Sebian town than pens full of human livestock. The street was clean of all garbage. The barricades were discretely moved to the side of the road. The street was again open to traffic. A large police presence remained but they were relaxed and inconspicuous. Town residents were out cleaning the areas in front of their homes and businesses and there was lots of friendly conversation and cooperation.

Back to normal? That was my impression but I wonder if it is really possible to return to an old sense of normal. What is normal anyway? And how has this community and those of us outsiders that have been hosted here – how have we been changed by this experience? In this modern world, maybe the new normal is the ability to adapt and to welcome the outsider and to be resilient enough to roll up the collective sleeves, clean up the mess and be ready for the next challenge.

I find it tempting to consider this respite to be the end of the crisis. But it seems that it might just be a temporary lull caused by turbulent seas and storms preventing the crossing from Turkey to Greece. It is possible that the flow will resume or even intensify at any time. Bombs are still being dropped in Syria. The Taliban is on the offensive in Afghanistan. War is making it unsafe for families to live peacefully in much of the Middle East. So, people will continue to seek refuge and this respite may soon seem like a dream.

And I wonder how I have been changed by this experience. How will I be unable to return to “normal”? What are the learnings that I am taking from this experience? It is still too early for me to be clear on my personal learnings but I suspect that my heart has been stretched. Many times in recent days I would be unable to talk without crying. This feels like a gift, like my capacity to feel and to care and to love has been expanded. I also think that I learned a lot about the interactions of police and crowds and I have a much deeper appreciation for the challenges of police and a respect for those that I witnessed practicing restraint and caring while also enforcing control. I also have another personal experience of order emerging from chaos and some of the negative responses to attempts at imposing control. I’m in the process of learning more about what I have to offer in such crisis situations. When there is such pressure to do something, I am realizing that my presence, my state of being can be more powerful and more of a gift than anything I could do. There are also nascent learnings about the role of egoic and attention-getting motivations and actions. I need to spend more time in reflection upon my own motivations and how I can be more selfless and compassionate in my service. What a gift it is to be here and engaged in such powerful and important learning.

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reflections on Humanity #12

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Steve

What a day it has been. There has been a dramatic shift from the mood in Presevo this morning until evening. For awhile this morning, it looked like we would be entirely overrun by people seeking refuge. Everyone seemed agitated and when the crowds surged forward and the barriers could not hold the people back, police responded with force and night sticks.

The crowd tilled the Main Street from side to side making it nearly impossible to escort the most vulnerable people to the head of the line. The pleas were heart wrenching and too many times I had to say no, often accompanied by my tears.

Sometimes there was nothing to do but witness the situation, breath deeply and generate love for everyone. Other times, there were opportunities to say good morning or thank you to the police. Other times I would hand out water to the thirsty.

I was really touched by one of the burly Serbian policemen who kept telling the agitated people “we are brothers, we are brothers, please be calm, please be calm”. I could feel his caring and see its effect upon those in the lines.

By afternoon, systems had evolved. The enclosures were modified. Those in the lines were enlisted to communicate and to help maintain order. Everyone would be asked to sit on the ground and the would comply and then cooperate to help women and children to be moved out of the crowd and expedited toward the processing center. A sense of communal shared purpose emerged. People passed water to those who couldn’t reach it. Even though the wait was still interminable, people seemed much more patient. I cannot begin to count how many “thank yous” I heard for water or information or just for simple courtesies.

In the afternoon we volunteers took advantage of the more orderly systems to begin dealing with the mountains of garbage that was accumulating everywhere. With shovel and brooms and our hands we filled hundreds of garbage sacks with trash and discarded clothing and blankets that had become rain and mud soaked. As we collectively attended to the environment, I noticed that the people in line began moving to allow us to work easier among them. Then a couple of them asked if they could help. Before long, we had volunteers and people seeking refuge working side by side in the muck and trash and soon we had transformed the street. One of the volunteers from the line suggested that we hang garbage bags on the barriers so that people could dispose of litter rather than throwing it on the ground and then he took it upon himself to hang the bags. I was so gratified to receive this help because it has been really bothering me that we do everything for the people and have not been allowing opportunity for them to participate in meeting their own needs. There was so much more of a sense of community and much more cooperation and watching out for each other by the end of the day.

Now it is evening and time to go prepare food bags and to distribute them to all of the people who will be spending the night on the street. Hopefully, it will be a much smaller number tonight.

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Reflections on Humanity #11

Posted on October 2, 2015 by Steve

My education in the refugee situation was suddenly accelerated a few hours ago. Since arriving in Belgrade Serbia on Tuesday, I have been up to my eyeballs (literally) in donated clothing. There has been such an abundance of clothes donated that a team of six to eight people has been kept busy sorting and organizing it. This has felt like important work, but it has lacked much direct contact with the people seeking refuge. The scene in Belgrade has also been quite serene compared to what I experienced in Vienna because most people arriving from the Greek/Macedonian route are now bypassing Belgrade unless they are waiting to reconnect with separated family members or awaiting money transfer. This means that most of the refuge seekers are Afghanis who have traveled over the mountains from Bulgaria.

At the end of a tiring day of moving and sorting hundreds of bags and boxes of clothing, I suddenly had the opportunity to go to the border with Greg, an Australian volunteer that I met the night before. There have been some reports of a chaotic situation at Presevo, the crossing on the Macedonia border. The information has been very incomplete and unclear which for some reason seems to be a common pattern among the organizations serving people seeking refuge. So, Greg and I loaded his rental car with blankets and warm clothing and made the four hour trip to Presevo.

What we found in Presevo totally astounded me. As of about three days ago, the Serbian authorities began requiring all persons seeking asylum in Europe to register before being granted a 72 hour transit permit allowing them to travel through to Croatia. The border crossing at Presevo is the convergence of multiple migration routes with four to five trains carrying about 3,000 people per day. These people have to walk about 1 km to the border town of Miratovac where volunteers meet them with food, water and transport for the seven km to Presevo. So, around 3,000 people per day arrive in Presevo where they stand in a queue for over a day to get the registration papers. Despite working 24 hours per day, the government workers can only process about 2,000 people per day. A quick bit of arithmetic confirms why the numbers in Presevo are growing.

Downtown Presevo is totally closed by the queue which has reportedly been four people wide and a kilometer long. The street is lined with tents and people shivering in blankets. There are fires burning and trash accumulating. The crowd was becoming increasingly agitated as there was confusion about the process and the need for the registration paper. Some refugees have caught buses north without the required paper and been turned back at police checkpoints. The majority of the people arriving in Presevo are from Syria with over half (estimated) to be families.

There is not enough food in Presevo to feed this number of arrivals in addition to the local residents. The volunteers fear the reaction of the crowd if inadequate food is made available so they are not trying to feed them. This means that a few thousand people are waiting more than a day in the cold without food and adequate water. And the number and wait time is increasing each day. The Red Cross, UNHCR, MSF and a couple of other NGOs are present in Presevo but their presence is limited to the enclosure area where the registration takes place, leaving the care of the people in the queues to volunteers. The professionals from the NGOs also go home at 10 pm leaving all the care to volunteers. There are reportedly 12 volunteers in Presevo and another 40 needed. Almost all of the current volunteers are busy shuttling people from the border to the town of Presevo leaving no one to care for the cold and hungry in the queue. He crowd is becoming increasingly agitated and there is a large contingent of police arriving by bus at each shift change.
With the help of two volunteers, Greg and I distributed all of the blankets and clothes and are now headed back to Belgrade where we hope to recruit and organize volunteers and supplies and money to return to Presevo by tomorrow night.

I cannot begin to describe the heart breaking conditions in Presevo with thousands of people huddled on the ground or pressing the barricades. But even more heart breaking for me was listening to the story of Badwan, the volunteer coordinator. He is an Albanian who arrived in Presevo 15 years ago seeking refuge from the Kosovo war. He was welcomed along with many other Albanians by the largely Albanian community in Presevo. Now these former “refugees” are welcoming this flood of refugees and in the process many of them are experiencing traumatic memories of their own escape. Badwan has been working largely without sleep for several days and he told us that his mother had surgery today for breast cancer and he has not even been able to find the time to visit her.

I honestly don’t know how to respond to the kind of courage and caring that I continually witness here – among the volunteers, the host community and the people fleeing for safety. Everyone has treated me with such courtesy and gratitude and I feel humbled and a bit embarrassed because it is so little in comparison to the need. We as a global community have a flood of vulnerable people in desperate need and our capacity to respond is inadequate to the need. Meanwhile, our governments continue to spend millions of dollars per day dropping bombs that create more displaced people and building fences (literal and figurative) to keep them out.

This is exhausting and heart breaking work yet I feel so grateful to be able to do it. It makes me feel alive and connected to humanity unlike anything I’ve experienced. In the process I am also meeting so many other volunteers from around the world and hearing them also say what a gift it is to be doing this work.

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Reflections on Humanity #10

Posted on September 30, 2015 by Steve

After my second day of work with the Mikser House project here in Belgrade, I am really noticing the contrast the situation in Vienna. In Vienna, the railway station was constantly buzzing with the activity of a couple thousand people seeking refuge and hundreds of volunteers self-organizing and co-creating an emergent village. Here is Belgrade things are so quiet in comparison. There have rarely been more than a hundred or so people seeking refuge at the site with maybe 25 or 30 volunteers. Some say that these have been unusually quiet days and others have said that it has been a reaction to UNICEF having just opened a site in a nearby hotel.

What we lack in people here is more than made up for in stuff! My job these two days has been to sort and organize clothing. This involves opening bags and bags and boxes and boxes of donated clothes and sorting it into men’s, women’s, children’s and throwing out the unusable or inappropriate. The weather has begun to turn cold and wet so we are also on the lookout for any suitable winter clothing. As needed, clothes are moved out to the public area where people paw through them and select what they need. More often, they express their disappointment that what they need is not available.

By the end of the day, there were two large rooms filled to the ceiling with bags of sorted clothes with no indication of when, if ever, there will be enough demand for them to be put out for the public. In addition there are hundreds and hundreds of cases of pampers filling a huge room with more packages of diapers piled in every available space. Apparently, word had gone out recently that diapers were needed and the community responded with unbelievable generosity. Unfortunately, they did not respond as quickly when the word belatedly went out to stop sending diapers. They just keep coming and no one knows what to do with them all.

As I sorted clothes, my mood shifted between appreciation for the generosity shown by this community to provide so much and surprised irritation at the kind of stuff some people give. I was especially appalled by the skimpy, sexy, suggestive women’s clothing being offered to these largely Muslim women. Most of the women do not even want skirts, let alone thong underwear, low-cut blouses or t-shirts with sexual messages. To be honest, I could not even figure out what some of the pieces of clothing were or how someone would wear them and when I had it explained, I was embarrassed myself more than once.

In addition to the inappropriate clothing, there were also badly stained or torn clothes and random things like neckties. It appears that some people used this solicitation as motivation to clean out their closets and drawers (or attics) and to give it to “support the refugees”. An opportunity to get rid of what wasn’t wanted with the bonus of getting to feel generous and virtuous. That is probably a pretty judgmental perspective on my part but after dealing with so much of this stuff all day long, it is difficult to be more charitable. What these donors probably didn’t think about was how many hours have to be spent to sort this stuff and then to dispose of much of it and to store the rest.

In my imagination, I sense a river of people flowing from the Middle East to Europe. Multiple tributaries with damns at some borders causing some reservoirs. Meanwhile, I imagine another stream of stuff flowing from affluent Europeans to the refugee centers in cities like Belgrade and Vienna. There some of the stuff gets selected for offering to those in need. Some of it gets sent directly to the landfill, some gets put into storage and some of it gets sent to other charities to deal with. I wonder where it will all end up. Baled and shipped to India? There is some concern here in Belgrade that the Roma are coming in and taking the clothes meant for the refugees or that some of those seeking refuge are taking more than they need and selling it on the streets. So much energy and concern getting expended about all this stuff. What kind of world do we live in where some people can’t get the clothes they need, other people have way too much and we have bags full of inappropriate clothes to dispose of?

When I contemplate more deeply, I remember my own process of disposing of my stuff when I decided to become a nomad. I gave away a lot of crap and I justified it as being generous and as allowing others to sort out what was usable and to dispose of the rest. It bothers me to throw anything away; I can thank my parents for instilling such frugality in me. So, I would rather have someone else have to make the decision to throw something away and I convinced myself that it was an act of generosity to give away such garbage. When I recognize this in myself, I can better understand what we are dealing with.

One thing that I discovered in my own processing of getting rid of my stuff is that I felt lighter and more free every time that I disposed of something. I experience a joy in the lack of stuff that I own even though I continue to wonder why my pack is as heavy as it is and what it is that I could get along without. And I think of the ecological cost of all this stuff. And the human cost of all the cheap clothing produced in sweat shops. And my conclusion is that it would be a much more generous act to resist buying stuff than to buy it and give it away. How can we create a world in which everyone has what she or he really needs without producing and consuming so much more that really does no good and, in fact, does great harm to the planet? My fear is that this “refugee crisis” is just perpetuating our fixation on stuff (piles of plastic bottles of water piled higher than my head, unbelievable quantities of diapers) While still not providing the warm clothes needed by families crossing the mountains.

How do we connect the dots between our ecological crisis and war and the dislocation of people and our economic system? These are not disconnected issues but are all symptoms of our disturbed relationship to all of life.

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Reflections on Humanity #9

Posted on September 27, 2015 by Steve

Tonight, after working my final shift at the Vienna Hauptbahnhof (at least for now), I walked through the community that I have watched emerge there over the past eight days. It looks so different now than it did when I first showed up to volunteer. There are little changes everywhere as the collective learning is manifest in subtle changes reflecting a living community rather than a planned facility. But maybe the changes are largely in my own perspective as I realized that I have come to love this place in all of its chaos and imperfection. I have also come to recognize some of the people and to care about them. Today I even saw the little out-of-control boy that I have struggled with and he recognized me, smiling and waving (even as he pulled the hair of the kid next to him). Yes, this is one more community on my journey that I have come to know and love. And now it is time for me to leave.

It has been a good week of volunteering in Vienna. I have been comfortably hosted by friends who have given me use of their home on the outskirts of the city so that I have a bed to come home to each night, good internet connection and the spaciousness and privacy to maintain my meditation practice each day and to begin this reflective writing practice. I’ve learned the train system into the city and can almost do it on autopilot now. I have good friends here which have allowed me to engage in reflective conversation to help make sense of what I am experiencing. Twice I have been able to go to the Hungarian border crossing to welcome people as they arrive at the refuge of Austria. These two trips have stirred in me a desire to move “upstream” on the migration path and to engage with the asylum-seekers earlier on before they reach the “promised land” of Austria.

While here, I have offered my services in whatever ways I could, desiring to travel to Hungary or Croatia or Serbia but, with the exception of my two trips to the border, I have not heard an invitation or call. This is not from lack of need, I know, or from any desire to ignore me but rather from my inability to access the intelligence network here because I don’t speak German and don’t want to intrude and slow down the process by asking for everything in English. So, I have just found my little niche at the Vienna train station and I have trusted that when the time is right that I would be invited into work elsewhere before my visa expires and I have to exit Europe.

Today I got a message from a friend I met this summer on the European Peace Walk. Jenny has been following my journey and my postings and now feels her own calling to work with “refugees”. We corresponded about possibilities and in a very short time we had decided together to go to Serbia to work. It is incredible to me to observe how quickly and easily this all fell together and also to reflect upon my learnings from this.

Since I have been here in Vienna, I have been contemplating about the experiences of “refugees” and wondering what is the essence of the refugee archetype. How have I experienced being a refugee? The answer has eluded me until now. But my experience today helps me to better understand this.

People often comment on the courage that I have to live my nomadic life but I do not experience it as courage. In fact, I feel a bit cowardly in my hesitance to strike out alone into the unknown. Most all of my journey has been in response to invitations and has been supported by friends who have helped me to adjust to new places. Rarely have I ventured like a refugee into totally unknown places where I don’t know anyone and I realize that I am reluctant and afraid to do so. I fear being alone and unconnected without meaningful work and without emotional support. I also fear that i will not be able on my own to find my place in a new community. This has been a part of why I have remained in Vienna instead of going to Croatia or Serbia or even further to Macedonia or Turkey. I don’t know how to connect and find my place in the unknown and I avoid this level of challenge. But, all I needed was a tiny bit of encouragement in the form of Jenny’s interest and I am totally willing to join her in the unknowns of Belgrade.

So, I really am a refugee, one who seeks the refuge of a friend, a companion, another sojourner. Maybe what refugees have to teach us in how to step into uncertainty, how to be vulnerable and how to ask for and accept help and refuge. I am a resistant refugee, if I am honest with myself. I hate to step alone into the unknown. Instead, I prefer to respond to invitations, to go where I am welcome and have a role. The refugee does not have such a luxury. The refugee knows that s/he has to leave and to move into the unknown, trusting or hoping for assistance without any assurance. That is real vulnerability and real trust. When I consider the journey of those we call refugees, I am filled with awe and respect for their courage and for their willingness to make themselves vulnerable. There is so much that I have to learn from them.

Tomorrow I will be leaving Vienna, traveling to Belgrade Serbia where I will meet Jenny and together we will discover how we can be of service there. It feels like it is an important next step on my journey to leave the relative comfort and safety of Vienna and to venture into the unknown, trusting that there will be opportunities there to serve and to learn. This is a learning edge for me, this venturing into the unknown. I don’t know if I could have done it alone so I am very grateful to have Jenny as a companion. My experience is that life is continually calling me into greater challenges and at the same time life is generously providing the support to allow this learning to occur.

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Reflections on Humanity #8

Posted on September 26, 2015 by Steve

The Vienna Hauptbahnhof is becoming quite familiar now as I complete my seventh day in a row as a volunteer there. Today when I arrived, I sensed something different in the feel of the place. I guess that I’ve now spent enough time there so that I have become attuned to the energy and to the subtle changes from day to day.

My initial observation was that beds had been added. Where people used to lay about sleeping on the floor, there were now some new cots. Nowhere near enough to meet the demand – maybe 15% to 20% – so there were still many people lying on the floors but the cots added a little more sense of permanence. There was also a new traffic flow that had been devised to keep those waiting in line for food from blocking the entire hallway. New signs were appearing, along with art work and many hand-drawn flags of Iraq, Syria and Kurdistan. When I went to the registration desk, my information was input into a computer rather than just entered on paper. Little by little, systems are emerging, improvements are being made, a community is coming into being. It is not a typical community as the residents will turn over every few days and a new cohort of people will flow in from Hungary, Croatia or Serbia as these move on to Germany or elsewhere is Northern Europe. I am also noticing more Africans among the residents, primarily from Nigeria from what I hear.

Today I was assigned to the children’s program again; I had worked in this area on Thursday. So my time was largely spent cleaning up messes, providing art supplies, making faces and goofing around to stimulate laughter and occasionally intervening to deal with conflict and particularly the aggressiveness of one especially traumatized and poorly socialized boy. Perhaps he reminds me some of my own younger self in his inability to get along and to share with others. This leads to conflict over the most trivial things and then it escalates into physical violence and out of control behavior. Fortunately, he is still small enough that I can physically restrain him and remove him when he loses control. In the process, I was kicked numerous times and nearly bitten. I feel so ineffectual at those times. I don’t want to further traumatize him but I also do not want to allow him to hurt other kids or to learn that he can get away with his inappropriate behavior. As an out of control kid, I always used to feel bad; I didn’t want to get into trouble but I just didn’t know how to avoid it. I wonder if he feels at all similar. A couple of times I was assisted by some other volunteers who could speak his language and were able to get through to him in ways that I couldn’t. After our battles, I approached him and offered my hand in friendship and late in the day he actually took it and began to engage with me, even offering me some of the chips he was eating. I would like to think that maybe I connected with him in some little way. Yet, I also recognize that he is a very troubled boy and I shudder to think what he may grow into if he does not get a lot of help to heal from whatever he has experienced.

It surprised me to find that I recognized several of the kids from my time on Thursday. I would have thought that they would have moved on toward Germany or other destinations. But I heard (and I cannot verify the accuracy of this; it could be one more rumor) that Germany will not be accepting any more asylum seekers until October 4. This, despite reports of 3,000 to 4,000 more people crossing the border from Hungary tomorrow and into the foreseeable future. What will it mean if they are not able to move on toward Germany? How many more people can this little self-organizing community absorb?

I have been learning so much about the journey that these people have taken in their flight from war. Austria feels to me like a downstream place of relative tranquility. Here the local community is welcoming. There is food and clothing (though not enough shoes) and personal care items and the opportunity for showers. There is not a threat of deportation and arrest. It can be a place of relative rest. Upstream is Hungary where I encountered starving and desperate people anxious to cross the border. The Hungarian government has not been at all welcoming and, while a there is a dedicated group of volunteers, the civil society has not been able to adequately support them.
Further upstream is Croatia and Serbia with undetected land mines and great uncertainty of which borders will be open when. This is also the site of large groups of people forced to sleep outside in bad weather and a very tenuous legal status that holds the threat of turning them back. There are reports of water canons and tear gas and many arrests. Even further upstream is Macedonia with the insecurity of bandits, unreliable and expensive smugglers and brutal mountain weather.

Upstream of Macedonia is Greece which is reached by sea on small, unstable rafts carrying people from Turkey. Before I got involved with the work here, I had assumed that the reports of drowning refugees must have involved those traveling from North Africa across the Mediterranean. This was due to my limited understanding of the geography. In actuality, the dangerous water crossings are typically from Turkey to Greece and this means that it is an established part of almost all of the journeys.

Moving further upstream is Turkey which has accepted a couple million people but will not grant asylum so those in Turkey feel insecure and impermanent and this is part of the impetus for them to move downstream along the routes leading to Northern Europe. But the flow does not begin in Turkey. Many people travel to Turkey from Lebanon or Jordan where there are huge refugee camps, semi-permanent encampments without integration into the larger community or adequate social and economic support (think the refugee camps in Palestine that have been the breeding ground of violence and terror). And, of course, the source of this flow is the war-torn areas of Syria, Iraq and Afghanistan. A story that I have heard more than once is of families who began in Palestine and were forced to seek refuge in Syria where they were again uprooted by war and forced to begin this long journey.

One aspect that I had not previously appreciated is that there is a sorting out process that occurs at each step in the flow. Those who make it here to Vienna are the fortunate ones who survived the water crossing (so far 5,000 have drowned this year) and encounters with bandits and unscrupulous smugglers. These are the survivors. But they are also the economically advantaged. The journey is not free or inexpensive. Those that make it to Europe are not the stereotypic poor and uneducated. Those are still stuck in the camps in the Middle East. Those that make it to Europe have had to have money – around $12,000 per person to buy passage on boats and to pay smugglers and to eat and sleep along the way.

So, those arriving in Europe are middle class people who were often professionals in their former life, who owned homes and businesses that they had to sell to raise the necessary funds to travel or they are the fortunate sons for whom the family has sacrificed much of all in order to send them. These new arrivals to Europe are generally educated and have employable skills. Those without such advantages don’t make it this far downstream.
It is often hard for me to remember that I am dealing with someone who has been successful and once lived a comfortable middle class life as I offer them cast off clothes or inform them that there are no more shoes available. How hard and humiliating it must be to be forced to live by charity and the generosity of others when once having been self-sufficient. “And there but by the grace of God, go I.” I often wonder what opportunities there will be fto continue to practice their professions and to contribute their gifts in Europe. Or will they be reduced to driving taxis and selling kebabs?

I also wonder how healthy the abundant generosity is for anyone long-term. I’ve begun to notice that some of the clothes that were so desirable yesterday are now lying discarded in the mud puddles. The children have been provided so many sweets by so many well-meaning people that they leave half-eaten food lying around. I am not happy with the judgmental thoughts that I see arising in me as I look at all of the waste and think that people “should” be more appreciative and take better care of what they have been given. These are my values and they come from a very priviliged background so I intellectually know that they are not reasonable or well-grounded. Yet still they arise in my thinking and I am continually invited into the practice of acceptance and love and compassion for the person that I see in front of me.

When I allow my thinking to drift into questions of sustainability or long-term implications, it feels indulgent and unproductive. The people in need continue to flow constantly through my life and really all I can do is to show each of them all of the love and welcoming that I am capable of and to trust that somehow together we will co-create the future. What an amazing learning opportunity this is.

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Reflections on Humanity #7

Posted on September 25, 2015 by Steve

Today it rained. And rained. It was difficult to motivate myself but I went again to the main train station this afternoon and offered myself for whatever needed to be done. The coordinator appraised me and asked if I was tough enough for a very stressful job. Today there were over 3,000 people in the station and many were feeling the effects of the rain. Many were without jackets of any kind and some had no shoes or only flip-flops. Donated clothing was available in the two tents that had been established for that purpose but the capacity of the tents was limited to about 25 or 30 people in need plus the volunteer staffing it. Those needing clothes were being allowed in only a few at a time as others left and this meant that there was a need for security people to control the flow.

So, I began my new volunteer career as a security guard with the warning that it was one of the most stressful jobs and that I would probably not be able to do it for very long. I would have to be tough and to expect a lot of conflict and challenge to my authority. Was I willing to maintain control and to exert my authority without concern for hurting people’s feelings and having “shit dumped on my head” (not literally, I hoped)? I honestly wasn’t sure whether I was up to this challenge but I remembered my intention upon starting on this journey to be open to whatever life presented and to respond with a “yes”. So I signed on to be a security person. And I found it to be one of the most enjoyable volunteer jobs that I’ve experienced this week.

When I showed up at the entrance to the clothing tents I found two tunnels created with two meter high fencing (what we used to call hog fencing on the farm) covered with a plastic tarp. These two tunnels contained the mass of people wanting to get into the tents. The one tunnel that was for men was filled as far as I could see. The other tunnel for women and children had only a few people in it. I got assigned to the men’s tunnel and was immediately told that the press of men was continually pushing forward beyond the end of the tunnel and that we needed to try and push them back. I was also told that we were only to allow two men at a time to enter the tents.

I took a deep breath and projected my energy in a spacious and confident but open way, I smiled at the first two men in line, told them to go on in and immediately stepped behind them to fill the space they had vacated. My fellow-volunteer followed my lead and, by repeating this maneuver a few times, we had the head of the line re-established back at the end of the tunnel.

With re-established of the line in the tunnel, I began smiling at each person as they arrived at the front of the line, saying hello to them and establishing a personal connection. Using humor and an open heart, I soon discovered that this security detail could really be fun. We were rarely able to understand each others language but we definitely communicated and in many many cases I felt a very strong personal connection that needed no words. We were not enemies or adversaries. It was not my intention to keep anyone from getting the clothes they needed and they could sense this. The more that we worked together to deal with the challenges of so many people and so much rain, the easier and more fun it was for all of us. I was really pleased and delighted to discover how easy it was to make personal connection and to express caring and respect despite the demands of the security position. Rarely ever did I have to exert authority and when I did, I tempered it with humor and we usually ended up laughing together.

The biggest challenge of the day (besides the constant rain that drenched me for the entire 4 hour shift) was some of the other volunteers who were dealing with their sense of responsibility and frustration by constantly exhorting the people in the tents to hurry up, to move on. It felt a bit like herding cattle and I could sense the energy level of the entire group responding to this urgency. These same volunteers also at times decided to invite ten men at a time to enter the tents. Whenever this happened, the entire line surged forward and far more than ten got past us and we had to exert authority to regain control of the situation. Every time this happened, it felt like we had to start over again to connect with the men and to engage them in working together to make the best of the situation.

Throughout the course of the afternoon, I came to love these people even more. I experienced them as generally friendly and cooperative people. I was impressed by their patience and by their genuine appreciation for the condition that we were in together. This position actually gave me a little more opportunity to interact and my impression was that most of these men are highly intelligent and quite positive and caring given the situations in which they find themselves. Some did not have jackets and patiently waited in the cold for their turn to get one. Some had little or no shoes. One man had a prosthetic leg with a shoe on the artificial foot and his other bare foot in a plastic bag. Unfortunately, there were almost no shoes available today. When we told this to the men in need, I did not hear anyone express anger or frustration, just a resignation and a hope that maybe things would be better tomorrow. It humbles me and inspires me when I consider all of the little things in my life that I do not handle with anywhere near that kind of acceptance and equanimity. These blessed people truly are my teachers.

My learning for the day is that so much is possible when I approach a situation with an open heart, kindness and a sense of humor. This invites a different quality of connection and relationship and opens the door for collaboration, even in something as simple as managing a queue. And when the focus is on relationship instead of control and exerting authority, unexpected magic can happen. I think that I discovered new capacity and possibility within myself that I hope I will be able to access in other situations.

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Reflections on Humanity #6

Posted on September 24, 2015 by Steve

It feels like today has been a long day though I only worked a few hours at Hauptbahnhof today. Today was Eid, the Islamic holiday, and so there was a subtle feeling of festivity in the air. There also seemed to be almost twice as many people as yesterday; apparently the “refugee buses” to Germany were not running for some reason. I was celebrating that I did not have to count the people today. Instead, I got to spend my time with the kids and they were so beautiful. It was wonderful to see them allowed just to be kids, to paint and draw and play keep-away and to enjoy the Eid candy that was in abundance.

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Being tired tonight, I have been resisting writing my reflections. But, I am coming to recognize that this is an important part of my role as a Sacred Outsider. How can I make the writing a practice and not a “should”? I have been surprised and gratified by the number of people who seem to be reading my reflections and sharing them. Today I heard from two people who want to contribute financially and raise money to support the people fleeing from war to Europe. If my first hand reports can help to generate support then I want to continue to write them.

When people have asked me how best to contribute to this work, I have given mixed and probably confusing responses. This is largely due to the chaotic and rapidly changing situation here. One day the biggest need was for train tickets but a day or two later train and bus transportation was being provided for free by governments anxious to move people on to the next country. And where is the help needed the most? One day it is Hungary, the next Serbia or Croatia. Maybe Slovenia. And what is needed? Clothes? Water? Tents? Blankets? Electric tea kettles? Tarps and rain gear? All have been needed at some point and I have also seen the problem of too much stuff in the wrong place at the wrong time. What do you do when 14,000 sandwiches arrive unexpectedly at a border crossing without adequate storage space? If you give money, to what organization do you give it? How much really gets to the people who need it? And if you want to avoid the big NGOs and their administrative costs and bureaucratic processes, how do you find reputable and dependable alternatives?

In my time here, I have pondered all of these questions and I have had the opportunity to observe the work of various organizations and come to my own (tentative) conclusions. Based on all of the above challenges and factors, my recommendation is that money is more useful right now than stuff, especially from more distant donors. Money is pretty easily transported and it provides the flexibility to respond to the immediate needs. It also allows supplies to be purchased more locally where the money can contribute to a local economy that needs it.

Personally, I have been far more impressed by the work being done by self-organizing, grassroot volunteer networks than by the big NGOs. I know from personal experience how important it is to have systems and processes within professional organizations but, in my experience, these also slow down the responsiveness of the big organizations and even the most well meaning of professionals tend to treat this work as a job after awhile. There are certainly challenges with volunteer networks but what I am seeing here in Austria is that there is a vibrancy and innovative spirit among these groups that is engaging volunteers and community contributors. What I am also seeing is that the volunteer networks can be so much more flexible than the professional organizations and that they can coordinate with the big organizations when needed, helping to get them the resources that they need when and where they need them. I was on the border last weekend when the Red Cross commandant expressed that their resources were overwhelmed and he needed another 50 people. The network put out the word on social media and the needed volunteers showed up.

What really impresses and amazes me is the lack of turf and ego within the volunteer network (and it really is much more a network than an organization) and their ability to coordinate and communicate effectively by social media. In many ways, the spirit and the processes of this self-organizing system seem to be built upon the experiences and learnings of the Occupy movement and I believe that they are practicing and learning ways of being and working together that will serve the world much more in the future than the leviathan NGOs. This is not to say that the NGOs have not done good work and are not important. However, they also have well established donor bases and huge marketing budgets to assure that they get donations. So, my two cents recommendation is to contribute directly to the grassroots volunteer network.

One other observation that I would like to make and a concern that I have about the volunteer movement… Is it sustainable? I have observed volunteers who are expending all of their time and energy to respond to this crisis situation. Yet, it appears that there are hundreds of thousands more people fleeing from war and trying to make their way to Europe. This crisis could persist for months or years. Will the volunteers develop the skills and practices to care for themselves and to be able to persist for the long term? Will they build the capacity to allow themselves and others to take a break without the system falling apart? Will they find the time for reflection and learning as well as constant response to the next crisis?

I have also observed that many of these volunteers are as generous financially as they are with their time. I know that some have contributed hundreds and even thousands of dollars from their personal pockets to buy train tickets, to drive their own vehicles to deliver supplies, to sponsor individuals in becoming established here. In addition, many are even inviting families to move into their homes or neighborhoods. Such generosity is the fabric of community and I would not want to discourage it; yet it seems that those who are living here in close proximity and seeing the extent of the need are carrying the brunt of the burden (or opportunity to give). How can we engage people throughout Europe and globally to share the financial impact? To participate in the opportunity to invest in a new future for families in need and also for European communities? This is a human crisis, not a European crisis! How can we as a global community be part of financing a different future?

Something big and important is happening here; I can feel it. People are stepping up and practicing compassion and generosity and are collaborating to find new ways of working together and new solutions that the governments and old paradigm NGOs seem incapable of. To me, this is one of the most exciting and hopeful aspects of this amazing experience. And it is also an opportunity for us to collectively support this without regard to national identity or place of residence. There are ways that everyone can contribute in their own ways. I would be very pleased to continue the conversation of how to provide support – either offline in private correspondence or in the comments. Perhaps this is one small contribution of a Sacred Outsider and one small way that I can give back in gratitude for all that I am receiving.

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Reflections on Humanity #5

Posted on September 24, 2015 by Steve

Today I was back at Hauptbahnhof, the main train station. It seems that I have been promoted from managing the demand for hair gel and condoms. It was impressed upon me that my new task was extremely important and that so far no one had been able to get it “right” or to handle the stress. So I was very curious what this special assignment would be.
When I was told that I was to count the number of refugees, My response was “you’ve got to be kidding.” No, they were very serious about this because the coordination of onward buses and the provision of beds is dependent upon an accurate census.

There is a constant flow of people, volunteers and those we serve throughout a large railway station and shopping mall. It can be absolute chaos at times and in some locations like the kids play area. It takes over a half hour to walk the entire complex without doing anything else but I needed to have the current count turned in hourly. Once I began counting I discovered another complication. Not everyone in a busy train station is considered a refugee so I had to discern which people to count and I quickly decided that it would not be appropriate to ask those in question whether they are refugees (even if we shared a common language.

Well, I enjoy a challenge and love to devise systems. So, I quickly established a few assumptions and principles and began counting. What a mindfulness practice! And what a contrast to the human connections that I had in my other volunteer experiences. In fact, this was nearly the antithesis of compassionate human connection. I felt like a voyeur peering intently at each family or social group, craning my neck to stare at how many heads there were. The flow of people was so heavy that I could rarely make eye contact and smile. Just the numbers!

My system seemed work as it produced relatively consistent totals of between 1,400 and 1,900 people each time and I was pleased that when I trained my replacement, we independently came up with totals that were within 20 of each other. This didn’t quite meet the suggested standard of plus or minus 5 but was far closer than I would have predicted. Of course there is no way of knowing how this count compares to the actual number of people.

So I spent my day as a people counter, utilizing very different parts of my brain and skill set than I anticipated. And this felt good. It made me realize again how many varied skills and roles are needed in any endeavor. Not everyone gets the fun or human contact jobs but that doesn’t make any of them less important. My responsibilities also gave me a great opportunity to see all of the different aspects of this operation and I came away even more impressed by the effectiveness of this self-organizing volunteer system.

My wandering about also allowed me to observe numerous human interactions. Overall, I was amazed by the peace and cooperation that I observed everywhere. I saw a lot of exhausted people and I can only imagine how stressed they must be from weeks of life-threatening travel. Everywhere there were long queues and waits. Despite all of this, I observed incredible courteousness and patience, far more than what I am accustomed to in modern stores, airports or events. And not once did anyone object to my intrusive examination and nose counting.

The highlight of my day came in the shopping mall part of the building. There was a Syrian family sitting on the floor with a very young toddler. A woman shopper came by with her own child in a stroller (a pram for my non-American friends). When she saw the family on the floor, she spontaneously pulled out her child’s winter coat and give it to them, assuring them that it was brand new. Such acts of generosity and kindness fill me with wonder and with a renewed pride in and hope for humanity.

Now on the train to the home of my generous Viennese hosts, I am tired and my legs are more sore than any day I can remember on the Camino but my heart is filled with joy. It all makes me so grateful to be on this journey living life so deeply.

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Reflections on Humanity #4

Posted on September 24, 2015 by Steve

I came to Austria to help but I am getting so much more out of this than my small contributions to those who are seeking refuge (I am committed to eliminating the “R” word from usage. These are people, not a classification). Yesterday was filled with intense experiences and learning. At least I hope that there has been learning; so far it seems to be more questions than answers.

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The afternoon was spent at the main train station where I spent my second day at the hygiene supply station, handing out toothbrushes, shampoo, baby diapers, soap, etc. and disappointing many men with the frequent news that we don’t have any hair gel. Many things were in short supply (hair shampoo, deodorant, shaving cream, fingernail clippers, hair brushes) while other items were in over-supply (body shampoo, false eye lashes, aftershave). The supplies are all donated and come in huge bags or boxes. When a new bag/box arrives, it is a little like Christmas morning for us as we paw through looking for which of the stocks we can re-supply. Occasionally we encounter a surprise like the box of condoms in one bag. I was unsure of the cultural sensitivities in putting these out but we went ahead and were a little surprised to see them disappear within about 20 seconds. Is this a needed supply that we should begin soliciting? How would potential donors feel about such a request? How does it challenge or confirm any of our stereotypes?

The experience of dealing with so much stuff was a real challenge for this nomad and it really held up a mirror for me to examine some of my issues with stuff and with abundance and scarcity. I was bothered by all of the excessive packaging and the marketing of so many personal care items that I did not even recognize (of course they were all labeled in German) and could not understand how we have been convinced that we need. I observed some people only taking small portions, only what they needed and not a lot of extra to carry. And I saw others who grabbed everything they could sometimes without even knowing what it was. I could see some of myself in both of these responses. I could also really understand the sense of scarcity and insecurity that the journey must have caused in some. Having and hoarding can be a means of dealing with some of the pain caused by trauma.

As a volunteer, I would ask myself what role and responsibility I had. At times I would find myself protecting the supplies, limiting people to one of each item and causing some people to justify their need for more. Other times, I turned a blind eye to people filling their bags. Why? It wasn’t “my” stuff. Did I really have a responsibility to try and protect those who would come later and find the supplies gone? A part of this, I recognize is a deep sense of fairness and a value that everyone “should” be considerate to others and to think of their needs. What a joke for me to think that my sense of fairness would have any relevance to someone who has been forced to leave his/her home and risk his/her life and experience all of the indignities associated with being a refugee. And what business do I have trying to control the actions of someone who has been deeply traumatized already and whose actions may be a result of that trauma?

How people reacted to the stuff they were given was also an interesting trigger for me. There were many who said thank you, some even for a single package of kleenex. Others showed no sign of gratitude and some were even demanding. I especially got impatient and a little cranky with the guys who expected there to be hair gel available for them and would act a little put out when there wasn’t. I hate to see it but there is a part of me that thinks “they should be grateful” and “they should be satisfied with whatever ‘we’ give them”. I hate to recognize that us/them dichotomy in my thinking and the attitudes of privilege and entitlement that it represents. Over and over I reminded myself that what I was seeing was largely a consequence of trauma. Then I would wonder how they behaved in their prior “normal” lives. And then I would be reminded by how much trauma affects all of us in our “normal” lives. It was all a reminder of how important healing of trauma is for everyone and especially those who have been through such danger and are entering a new life. How will we, as a global community, provide opportunities for healing of those with trauma? So, I realized that part of my work was to deal with my own traumatized parts and monitor my own triggered reactions and let go of my expectations and values in order to just be present and make as much stuff available as possible. Consequently, I took frequent breaks from the frontline customer service and spent time organizing supplies and trying up the work area. There are so many ways, including attending to space and beauty, to serve.

Late in the afternoon I was informed that there were a few thousand people arriving at the border town of Hegyeshalom in the evening. Many were families with young children. All had been on the train through Hungary and without food for a long time. Food and water was needed urgently at the border so I made arrangements to get food from the Vienna volunteer effort and to take them by car with another volunteer to the border.

Soon after we arrived at the border crossing our carload of bottled water, cookies, chocolate bars and apples were supplemented by a truckload of water and 50 large boxes of Halal sandwiches. These several thousand sandwiches had been made by hand by the Islamic community in Vienna. Later I learned that they have been producing in the neighborhood of 10,000 sandwiches every day for the past couple of weeks. (BTW, I was also impressed by the efforts of the Sikh community in Vienna that produces huge pots of rice and chicken everyday for serving at the train station. This is truly a multi-faith (and non-faith) humanitarian effort.).

Around 10, the first group began arriving. The train had deposited them at the depot in Hegyeshalom, about 5 km away and they had to walk the remainder of the to the border. So they arrived in a straggling column of about 1,500 men, women and children, all hungry and all aware of the proximity of Austria and the safety it represents. Austria would not be the end of the line for most, but it was probably the first place where they would feel safe and welcome. So, they streamed by, intent to reach the border. We greeted them with a smile, a “welcome” and the offer of a sandwich. This was one of the most moving experiences of my life. To see the look of relief and longing in their eyes, to feel their emotional energy and physical drive to reach the border and to sense the hunger with which they took the food touched me deeply. Over and over this little act of offering food and a kind word was met with such genuine thanks. As I looked in the eyes of one of these courageous people and tried to say “you are welcome” I found those words to be so much deeper than the common courtesy and when I tried to speak them I often found myself too emotional and tearful to even speak.

To be in such a presence and to have my heart touched so deeply is a precious gift and makes me realize just how much I gain from this work. Is this selfish? Probably. Is my ego stroked as well as my heart touched? Probably. But I also think that its ok to perform a good deed even when my motives are not 100% pure. It is my hope that each such encounter will purify some of my own egoic motivation and will expand my heart’s capacity for love and compassion. And it is my hope and my belief that this is happening collectively as humanity responds to humanity with love. This is a practice ground for all of us, those present here on the frostlines and those holding us from a distance. Our collective heart is expanding and preparing us for the future challenges that await our planet.

After the first wave of about 1,500 passed, the volunteers cleaned up and sorted all of the leftovers. Eventually many of the volunteers drifted off and at last there was only a handful of us left. Would there be more trains this night? No one seemed to know? Who was in charge and what would be done with the leftovers (maybe half of the sandwiches and water as well as lots of cookies)? No one knew. Finally, it was decided that two of the Hungarian women volunteers would spend the night at the crossing and the rest of us would go home.

Before we left for the hour trip back to Vienna, though, Karli was confronted by a very angry and animated reporter. A crew of three journalists from Reuters had been in the midst of the human flow as we were offering food and they used this as the backdrop for a videotaped news report. Now they were back smoking and looking for conversation. Or maybe more accurately looking for an argument. The reporter began by telling Karli how we were all wasting our time and that what we were doing was meaningless. Further, he said that what we were doing was actually harmful because it allowed the governments to avoid taking responsibility. Although I could not understand the content of the conversation in German, I could tell that he was becoming more and more angry and animated. Once I learned about the content, I was astonished. What was gained by sharing this opinion with cold and tired volunteers? Where was this anger coming from? How many others share such a worldview? In time, I recognized that he, too, was probably operating from his own trauma. He, too, needs compassion and healing. Somehow, all of us need healing from our traumas (no matter the cause or the extent) if we are ever to be able to live in peace and love.

So, I am left with the question of how do we help to heal the traumas in each of us so that we can act with more love and compassion. For me, my current answer is to continue practicing, even with murky intentions and without clarity of the consequences and implications. Just keep learning to love.

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